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A Few Jokes

There are tons and tons of jokes out on the internet. Here are a few that I really enjoyed:

Getting Out

Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.

"So, Mr. Fish," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study web page design, so I can improve the site at"

Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."

The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

Killer Lunch

Sean, Juan and Billy Jack were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and Sean said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

Juan opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

Billy Jack opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day the Sean opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. Juan opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. Billy Jack opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral - Sean's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" Juan's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at Billy Jack's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He made his own lunch."

The Drifter

A cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a beer. The regulars quietly watch the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one speaks, but everyone notices the stranger's hat is made of brown wrapping paper.

Less obvious is the fact that his shirt and vest are also made of paper. As are his chaps, pants, and even his boots (including paper spurs). Even the saddle blanket and bridle on his horse are made entirely of paper.

The sherrif walks into the saloon, looks at the cowboy and tells him "you're under arrest!"

"What for?" the cowboy asks.


"Told 'ya so!"

Ezra Jones was about to retire. He'd worked his 120 acre farm for more years than he could recollect, and decided it would be a plumb good idea to sell his farm and build a fancy home in one of those new-fangled sub-divisions.

"You'll never be happy there," his friends told him. "Things will be so different, you won't like it at all. You'll feel so out of place there that you'll just wither up and die."

Well, Ezra had a well-earned reputation for always being right. Didn't matter what it was, Ezra just plain refused to be wrong. So he told everyone that he was selling his farm and moving to a new place, and it didn't matter what they thought - he was going to be real happy there.

A little bit before his new home was finished, one Ezra's friends came to visit at the farm. "You know," Ezra told him, "I'm real worried about my dog. Old Blue isn't going to like my new home. It's going to be so different, he won't like it at all. I'm sure he's going to just wither up and die."

"Nawww," his friend said. "If you're happy in your new house, then Old Blue will be happy too. He'll be just fine."

And the two men sat on the porch and argued about whether or not Old Blue was going to like the new house.

Ezra finally moved into his new home in the new-fangled sub-division. One day, his friend stopped by for a visit. "You know," he said, "Old Blue sure looks like doing okay in this new house. Looks like things are going to be just fine, doesn't it?"

"I don't know," Ezra replied, "I don't think he likes it at all. I'm still sure he's going to just wither up and die."

Well, some time passed, and then Ezra's friend came back for another visit. Not seeing the dog, he asked, "Ezra, where's Old Blue?"

"Buried him in the garden out back," Ezra sadly replied.

"So you were right after all? He just withered up and died?"

"Yep," said Ezra, "it looked for a while there like he was going to get used to the new house, be happy here, and prove me wrong. But he sure didn't last long after I stopped feeding him!"

Note: The "Told 'ya so" story is one I wrote all by myself on May 6, 1998. I passed it along to a couple friends and posted it here. If you see it someplace else, how about sending me a note indicating when and where?

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"


"Orange Who?"

"Orange you glad this is the last of the silly jokes on this page?"

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