"The Frog Lied" Magnetic-Backed Dry-Erase Calendar

It is "the morning after," and the Princess just realized the frog lied to her. Too bad Mr. Frog doesn't have wings!

About "The Morning After" title

It was late. I should have been in bed. But I decided to check my Email one last time.

Among all the spam I found a joke. Well, not really a joke - it was a list of the top entries from the San Jose State English Department's "2001 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest."

In a Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest, contestants are challenged to write the worst possible opening line for a fictional novel. For example, someone submitted this opening line to the 2001 San Jose State contest:

"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."

I read through the ten contest entries, laughing at some and groaning at others. And when I read the "winning" entry, I got an idea for a dry erase board. Some will call it an epiphany. Others will call it the result of severe sleep deprivation. Whatever it is, I really like the way "The Morning After" calendar came out.

The Winning Entry:

Here's the winning sentence that inspired the "The Frog Lied" calendar:

"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"

Five Minutes Later:

And here's a close-up of the part of the calendar that shows the action five minutes after the Princess realized the frog had lied to her:

Ordering Calendars

The calendar at the top of the page is part #FrogLied01. It comes in monthly or weekly versions, and if you'd prefer to write an alternate caption, just let me know what you want and I'll use your caption instead of "The Morning After" Calendar caption.

Some alternate captions include:

• The Frog Lied

• You have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs Before You Find a Prince

"The Frog Lied" calendars are $19.95 each, plus shipping. To order,

You can print an order form and mail your order and payment,

You can order and pay through PayPal (to pay through PayPal, please send me an Email and I'll reply with the details. My Email address is

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About Bulwer-Lytton

According to the folks at Write101.com, way back in 1830, some guy name E.G. Bulwer-Lytton wrote a book called "Paul Clifford." The book has been remembered for its appalling opening sentence - one which broke nearly every rule of good writing.

Years later, a parody competition was created, challenging writers to create the worst possible opening sentence for a novel. I gather that several institutions hold similar contests, and I suspect that my writing could be easily mistaken for entries into those competitions. Check out the write101.com web site for examples of winning contest entries.